I went to the mountains to find myself again

What I did after the race was cancelled

Jul 31, 2026

It is the place I go when I feel depleted: physically, creatively, emotionally. It is where I went when my marriage was failing, gripped by the darkness consuming me. Where space, air and humanity could hold me while I steadied myself for what needed to be done.

This time I went physically fit, really fit. And with purpose. A solid training block behind me, a three-day mountain ultra lay ahead.

Until it did not. The mountains had other plans for me, for many others too. Fire. The Willow Fire, to be precise. Not so cute as the name implies. Ruthless heat, smoke, destruction ... human impact high; wildlife impact unimaginable. The world is burning. Terrifying.

A race cancelled, zero complaints. Yet still the same need for ... for what?

For aliveness: vitality, creative energy, beautiful humans.

The kind of aliveness found dancing with strangers in a desert car park at two in the morning. Standing behind the lens, allowing the photographer space to exist again ... not for anyone this time. For me.

The musician, so inspired by a piano concerto so hard that even Horowitz called it unplayable, and the composer had to rewrite the finale. Moved to tears sat beside a 75-year-old stranger who invited me to come and stay when I returned. And returning the next evening to hear the enigmatic Yuja Wang play the Barber again: the same programme, a different set of beguiling encores, the same airless auditorium by the Flatirons ... mesmerised once more. A different woman beside me ... even older this time, no less warm and welcoming. Wondering if Yuja wants to have dinner with me (maybe Edinburgh next month, after her gig ... dream big, haha!).

The physician who works with big data and AI, and the philosopher who thinks deeply about the future not just of medicine but of humanity. Challenged to think deeper.

In the end, will the machines love us back?

It was Adrián Villar Rojas who had the biggest impact on me. A humble man from Argentina, a deep thinker, and one of the most important artists of a generation. A one-ton triceratops skull cast in bronze, living ivy casting reflections from his soul. All of it working within the space my sister is guardian of.

He challenges us to think about how we are merely a conduit for what came before and what comes ... except not. Our imprint (impact is stronger; damn it, all my words are clichés) ... is BIG.

Thanks to Nicola, to AIR — her truly miraculous vision coming to live in the mountains — talking with Adrián and so many others ... feeling the ALIVEness return.

For the writer to come alive, inspired by dinner chatter with published authors.

Here he is, writing. Alone. Alive. Waiting.

The changes that come next: none of us are really prepared. I wonder if we are better going down fighting or blissfully unaware? I find it hard to square. As a techno-optimist I see a world of rapid scientific and medical discovery that will transform my ability as a physician to heal. I use AI in my daily workflows, and increasingly to accelerate my creativity.

If you understand, things are just as they are.
If you do not understand, things are just as they are.
— Zen proverb

And yet, whenever I can, I reach for analogue. Books that can get wet in the bath, the scratch of vinyl and my fountain pen on paper, and the dialogue in my head justifying the need for another camera so I can switch from digital to film. And yes, running free in the mountains with nature, alone or with others.